For the Gipper; or Assignment Number One

BY DAVID H.

This is the first assignment for my unfortunate enrollment in a class called “Humorous Writing.” It had to be written in the present tense, less than 450 words, and moderately humorous. I found it difficult to write about something in the past, and dated by a historic event, as though it were happening right now. Worthless activity. But here it is:

* * *

The Special Olympics always manage to be a lot of fun; it’s likely something in its unpredictability that makes it so enjoyable. I try to go each year to support the participating students in my class, those with severe learning disabilities. A few years ago, I see Chad is competing. Chad is a 14-year-old, fiercely patriotic autistic student who just recently became somewhat arbitrarily obsessed with the late Ronald Reagan. For instance, I might be talking with a student about an assignment when Chad would walk up and simply (and rhetorically, I think) ask, “Did you know that Ronald Reagan was known as ‘The Gipper?’” or, “Did you know that Ronald Reagan single-handedly ended the Cold War?”

I’ll admit, I didn’t know the second one.

Chad is competing, but this is a sad weekend for him because it’s coming on the heels of Reagan’s passing. He was responding in class, however, with even more patriotism than usual, a certain Old Glory-inspired swagger, emanating at a level I had never seen from him before, and as I watch him compete, leading his team through events like swimming races in his American flag swimming trunks, I feel as though the swagger is now permeating his very athletic efforts.

After each and every event, they have a mini-ceremony that consists of announcing the winners, who walk to the stage while the first 30 seconds of the national anthem plays on the speakers. The winner receives a medal and walks back to his or her parents. It’s a cute celebration, though I think thirty-second anthem clips after each event is pushing it a bit.

It’s not long before Chad wins his first of two medals that day. I proudly watch him make his way to the front, national anthem blaring. I see he has his American flag trunks still on, no shirt, wet hair, but he has added to the attire his beach towel, which also features the Stars and Stripes. The towel is draped over his shoulders like a cape, and he lowers his head to receive the medal, which he proceeds to raise to his lips, plant a kiss on, and raise to the air. In a loud and clear voice, with our anthem as the backdrop, Chad announces to the crowd of Special Education students and their parents, “This is for The Gipper! This is for The Gipper!” His team, caught up in all the excitement of Chad’s dedication of the prized award, begins chanting their newfound mantra back to him.

I’m thankful that his next dedication wasn’t as catchy: his second medal of the day, also hoisted to the skies, Chad receives with a simple, and heartfelt, “Stay strong, Nancy.”